So how many of you have experience of online dating?
If you have then I hope you took time to create a great personal profile for yourself, making you sound smart, successful and appealing to everyone who was going to read it.
The process of writing profiles or CV’s can be difficult especially if you have a parent’s voice in your head saying ‘don’t blow your own trumpet’.
This sound advice we receive when young can inadvertently lead to a confidence crisis in later years as we too often focus on what we do badly rather than the good stuff.
Well now’s the time to leave all that behind and become a ‘Self Believer’ and write your perfect profile.
It is not unusual in certain circumstances for many of us feel uncomfortable and unconfident in portraying ourselves in the best way and to turn the situation to our advantage.
The route cause is often formed around an event or person in our lives where our confidence was knocked, or where something happened that made us really question our ability or perception of ourselves.
Over a period of time we develop patterns of behaviour which can reinforce our belief that we can’t do something. Our sub-conscious mind on repeatedly hearing this message believes this thought to be true.
Once this belief is planted firmly in our heads, we begin to feel the way we are thinking and then act the way we are feeling. When our performance is negatively affected it simply confirms the belief, which creates an even greater negative emotion next time around.
I have worked through many of these demons in my time as for many reasons I have often been my own worst critic. This began to change however on a course about 12 years ago when I was asked to write a personal advert, selling me to me.
The advert had to include all the things I believed I was good at and all the reasons why it is good to know Graham Proud.
The theory then goes that if you read your ‘Personal Advert’ 3 times a day for 30 days then you should begin to reprogram your mind and create a positive view of yourself, commonly known as ‘self confidence’.
I dutifully read my advert every day and certainly on a personal level I began to think differently about myself.
When coaching a lady a few years ago I was telling her the benefits of this approach and she asked if she could read my advert… my initial reaction was ‘noooooo’ as it would feel like baring my soul however I held my breath and passed it across.
What happened next nearly floored me, she read it through, looked me straight in the eyes and said ‘but that’s all true’.
Why so surprised I hear you ask?
Well when I wrote my advert I think it was how I wanted to be rather than how I actually thought I was. Having read it so often and having carried it around for the last 12 years, it seems to have worked.
I’m hopefully not egotistical or confident to the point of arrogance, however I do know my strengths these days and I try to use them in every aspect of my life.
There are many other techniques you can learn to help build your confidence and we at Four Steps Training have the knowledge and know how to help.
So forget those old demons and get writing the profile of the person you would like to meet… yourself.
Having done this, you may find there’s no need for online dating at all!
For further information on building confidence in your team or help with personal impact and influence techniques contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org or telephone us on 023 9248 1549